The Heartbreaking Story of Unbearable Lightness (Or, I Have *Feelings* and Lots Of Them)

11 Jun

So yeah. It’s been a long time since I last made a post. Here’s the deal: life happened. I’m no pity person, but I feel like my story’s important to share. It’s a story that a lot of young gay people share to varying degrees.

Here goes.

As I’ve stated a couple of times before, I moved back into my parent’s house to go to college after two years of living on my own, half of which with my (now ex) girlfriend.  Moving back was something I was dreading, because my parents are extremely overbearing and intolerant, especially towards my gayness, which I’ve never exactly hidden from them. This creates a lot of tension: comfortably and happily gay twenty-something, controlling parents who haven’t figured out that I’m more or less beyond their sphere of influence. They paid the bills and that was about it, as far as I saw it. They saw it as an opportunity to give me a curfew (I never had one in high school), set down rules, insist on meeting all my new (gay) friends I made in college, quit smoking, so on and so forth.

 

So about three months of parental tension eventually led to a series of heated conflicts. I come from an Irish family and we all have terrible tempers. The first argument was over when I should go to bed. I was awake at about 2 am (a normal time of night for me, I am not a big sleeper) and couldn’t sleep due to a skating injury I got that day. My mom came in and started screaming at me to go to bed, that I was “killing myself” with my “habits.” Me being me, I started screaming back that I simply couldn’t sleep and I would when I was tired. On and on and on, doors were slammed, my face was slapped, and at 3 am, I called my guyfriend (We’ll call him Danny) and we took a roadtrip. At 3 am. We drove to hang out with my Cool Ex (We’ll call her Stori) for a day or so, and I came back home late the next night, completely calm and relaxed.

I took the trip thinking that maybe my parents would realize that I needed space. No such thing. A couple of weeks later, they decided last minute to go see my grandmother for Spring Break. Despite that I had work and plans, I had two hours notice to get everything lined up. It would have been easier to just let me stay home, but they wouldn’t hear of it. I would understand a teenager not being left alone in the house for three days, but someone who’s almost out of college with a job is a different story. Add that frustration on top of the fact that I was out of cigarettes, hadn’t had any coffee that morning, and I started my period in the middle of the night before, and I was in a terrible mood. My father wouldn’t have me being in a bad mood and tried to yell it out of me. So of course I yelled back. Things escalated, and I got out of the car to get away. That’s how I handle conflict, I step back and try to cool off. Both of my parents came after me guns blazing, and the three of us ended up getting into a physical fist fight in the middle of the street. My dad started it, let’s just put it at that. Then they told me to leave and not come back. So that’s just what I did. I packed up my few belongings (I don’t believe in many material possessions except for what I need) and took off on foot for my friend’s house.

I lived with my buddy Danny in his apartment for two months, and it was awesome. I managed to finish my semester at school ok as well as working two jobs and initially not having a car. We managed to always be having fun in between work and school, got some new tattoos and piercings, met some really cool people, had family dinners, fixed up an old car that now serves me well and made it 500 miles in 98 degree heat…

Danny enlisted in the Navy last month and moved away from Midland, so I’m on the move again. I’ve now moved back to East Texas and have everything lined up: I have three roommates (one being the Cool Ex Stori, who is one of those people in my life who’ll always be around), we’re getting an apartment in College Station where I used to go to school, and I’m going to finish up there starting in the spring of 2012.

Basically, my point is that none of this has phased me. I treat every experience as an opportunity to grow and better myself as a person. No matter how hard things get, I’ve learned that there will be friends who are always there for you and I’m eternally grateful to them. I’ve figured out that money and possessions are worthless to me, and that re-prioritizing has led to me being probably the happiest I’ve ever been in my short life. I’m living the life of someone who isn’t tied down to anything, anyone, or any place, and I’m going places because of it.

 

Whew, first post in a while.

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